Virgin Airlines has announced a new furball and fleabag flight marketing plan which, understandably, has unleashed a tirade of disapproval in North Queensland at the very least.
It seems Virgin’s northern passengers were not too keen on sharing cabin space with dog turds and cat crap. New owners Bain Capital, believe the new strategy might attract pet owners to their flights.
Virgin has yet to announce if flea powder and fart masks will be complimentary or attract a $5 on-flight fee which would be served alongside beer tinnies and beef stroganoff.
Airlines have been classed as airborne restaurants which required a change to food regulations to carry pets, but this was easily fixed by offering Canberra bureaucrats free flights accompanied by their pet taipans.
The airline has now received the green light from Food Standards Australia New Zealand (FSANZ) to carry small animals in the cabin, a major regulatory hurdle that stalled the rollout after Virgin Australia first announced its plan in March last year.
This week ABC Radio Far North ran a listener poll which was, well, we should say unfavourable to airline founder Sir Richard Bransdon who no longer owns Virgin Australia but owns Ulusaba Private Game Reserve in South Africa.
It seems he floated the novel idea of taking pets onboard some years ago when he needed to shift his tame lions from the South African reserve to his London lodgings. He wanted the lions to guard against Pakistani gangs by training them to lead on a leash.
His plans were thwarted when baggage handlers were unable to fit lion cages through the aircraft doors so the new airline owners have opted for smaller cat and dog pens.
From comments by North Queenslanders, after Virgin Australia CEO Dave Emerson, announced the furry flights at the CAPA Airline Leader Summit in Cairns this week, Virgin could have more dogs than owners on their domestic routes.
Catering staff now will have to provide tins of Pal and trays of kitty litter, for the pets of course, and hostesses would have to undertake additional training about how to best apply flea power to scratching passengers and how to fit earplugs for grannies to protect against cat and dog fight cacophonies.
Flight safety manuals now will carry instructions for non-gender-assigned attendants showing how to loosen your belts or bra-straps allowing the attendant to tip flea power down your strides or around your boobs and how to dispose of dead fleas.
So wriggle onboard pets, buckle up for a woke Virgin flight to Kickatinny and hope that translates into Melbourne or Sydney and that you are on your chosen flight.
